The Pressure to Have the Answer
Written by Derek Mulhern, PCC
As leaders, we often want to do our best. We want to be the best. This comes with a common challenge: to prove you know what's going on by giving people clear answers. Today, we dive into what sits beneath that. The pressure to always have the answer, to wait for certainty before stepping in. And how that instinct, without realizing it, shapes the way our teams show up.
Let's dive in!
The Situation
There’s a moment I’ve been seeing more and more with leaders recently. It usually shows up right before a conversation they know they need to have.
They pause. For some reason, they don’t feel quite ready.
I was working with a leader recently who needed to speak with a direct report about a project's direction.
On the surface, it was an easy conversation to have. But he didn’t have all the information.
And because of that, he didn’t feel confident enough to lead the conversation.
He didn’t want to seem unsure.
So he waited. And then waited a bit longer.
Gathering more information. Asking for more data. Trying to get to a place where he could walk in with certainty.
What’s Happening While Waiting
But in the meantime, his employee was still there.
She was still trying to make decisions. Still moving forward without full clarity.
And without realizing it, he was sending a message:
That leadership means having the answer.
That you should know all the details before moving forward.
That uncertainty is a bad thing.
It’s a quiet message. But it lands hard.
The Impact on the Team
When leaders show up this way, teams start to perform.
They try to get it right, anticipate what you want, and avoid being the one who doesn’t know.
And over time, they stop bringing you the real things.
Because what they see is that the version of you they experience doesn’t make space for it.
A Different Way Forward
There’s another way this moment can go.
It requires a willingness to be seen. Fully seen.
To say, “I don’t have all the answers here, but I want to think this through with you.”
To stay in the conversation instead of stepping out of it until you feel more certain.
What Happens When You Do
Because when that happens…
The pressure drops.
The dynamic changes.
The conversation becomes real.
And trust shows up faster than most leaders expect.
When you let yourself be seen by your employees, they feel seen too.
And that’s where partnership begins.
The perfection, control, and management of the situation aren’t the answer.
The sweet spot lives in the shared ownership of figuring things out.
Most leaders don’t avoid these moments because they don’t care.
They avoid them because they think leadership requires a version of themselves that isn’t fully human.
It doesn’t.
Leadership requires presence. And sometimes, that means showing up before you feel ready.
Where might you be holding back a conversation until you feel more certain…
When what your team actually needs is for you to be present in the uncertainty with them?